Seems Honeybear has taken a game the kids started years ago and become a supreme master. Let's just say as the years have gone on Gypsy Rose no longer sees any point in protecting me from "assilenation" attempts. In fact at times she is solely responsible for these attacks.
This all started with a simple request at Honeybear's break time. (He calls at 8:30 on break to say goodnight.) After saying night to the kids, we get a few minutes of idle chatter, tonight it went something like this...
Honeybear: Might be home early.
Me: So what does that mean tonight?
Honeybear: (playfully) I expect you to be up with a snack and drink. Ready to take off my boots and give me a foot massage. Like every good wife should when their husband gets home from work.
Me: (laughing) Well aren't you glad I don't hold myself to the standards of others.
Honeybear: You're slacking woman! Where's my pie?
Me: Now Honeybear what kind of wife would I be if I disregarded your whining about gaining weight? No pie till you lose...twenty pounds. Trim your beard up and you might hit your goal quicker and get pie...tomorrow.
Honeybear: (mockingly growls) Woman what'd I say!
Me: Bring me a coke.
Me: (nonchalantly) M'kay no foot rub.
(By now we're both laughing. I mean if you can't give your spouse a hard time what's going to break up the day to day, right? At this point it's also time for him to go back to work so we say good night, he goes back I go tuck in.)
After prayers and tuck in I get the holy hour otherwise known as MOM TIME!
This is where I actually do my own thing. No schoolwork, housework, or anything other than purely selfish pampering. I watch a mindless uneducational show and paint my toes or something for a few before finishing up the days tasks. (Why not do that after the day's work is done? Did you not read my schedule last week? There is never an end! I must divide and conquer!)
Anyways after Mom time and more work I sat down to look through our texts book and devise a science project for this week and...fell asleep.
Sometime later I come to complete alertness to a deep growl and a dark figure reaching for me. I scream bloody murder as I see the inhuman girth of this creature with horns reaching for me and strike out at its nose. It jumps back laughing and the light is no longer at its back.
Yeah you guessed it...Honeybear. One of these days....to the moon Alice!
Ps. The inhuman girth was Honeybear still wearing his coveralls. His horns? He really needs a trim to his curls.