Tuesday, August 31, 2010

silence is deafening-so is a child's observation

I have come to the conclusion that the only way to stop the embarrassing updates given by our children in public is duct tape. I thought about just tying them to the bed-but that's just cruel. Don't judge me you know you've considered it. For all you out there who think a hillbilly would actually do this-QUIT STEREOTYPING.

For all us with children you have experienced this at one time or another. Try having that times four-five if you count Honeybear. We all know our men do it we just try not to think about it. (As he reads this over my shoulder going "Name one time!" Then as I list the top five, he goes "Don't print that.") And we wonder where the kids get it from?

But as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, these outbursts are frequently seen coming moments beforehand. Unfortunately, a child's mouth is quicker than a mother's hand clamping over it. And we are left red faced, and stuttering an apology of "I don't know where they got that." Of course we do-T.V.!
But looking at the situation in privacy how often is an innocent child's question or observation wrong?

I'm sure you remember the tale of Martin asking the larger woman when her baby was due. If not-your better off. But what about the ones made about people we want to say something to. Case in point: Degan, roughly a week ago, standing at Wal-Mart in the check out line behind a couple of college guys. I should have seen him staring but I was wrangling Bella. He looks up meets the guys eyes and-"You need a better belt, your underroos are showing." Somehow this got even Bella's attention cause she stopped squirming- maybe it was just me stopping breathing who knows. I look at Degan then back to the guy then back to Degan. There is nothing to be said for this except "Degan come over here and quit bothering them." Like a deer in the headlights, I wonder if it was as obvious to them as to the lady behind me that I was just acting like I heard nothing. (Channeling my inner Hogan's Hero. "I KNOW NOTHING!")

Now here's the problem-can I really fault my son for stating a fact? Considering how often I have said the exact same thing to him before leaving the house, he thought he was being helpful. As he said to me when I proached the subject in the car "Mom if I was hanging out I would want someone to tell me that must be embarrassing." If only all teenagers and gangsta wannabes thought the same thing.

Another point in fact: Madison, not to long ago (at least not long ago enough not to make me cringe) while eating at a restraunt. (One we will not be going back to anytime soon) "Her hands are dirty, I can't eat that." I looked at the server, apologized profusely (while stealthly inspecting her hands) and accepted the food. Madison persisted and we told her to hush. She refused to eat, while the rest of us dug in. When we returned to the car I asked Madison why she was so rude. (Thinking it had something to do with the recent health classes about germs-if only.) She then proceeded to tell us-sorry cringing again."I just didn't want any of her boogers." Apparently right before she brought our pizza, she had been...well there's only one way to say this-she picked her nose. And then proceeded to wipe it on her pant leg, to which Madison witnessed.

If I had just listened to my daughter that day I wouldn't cringe every time I smell tomatoes simmering. (Which with the garden in full swing is quite often right now.) Me, being horrified but wanting to get home and boil my tongue, called the restraunt when we got home. They apologized that time, and offered us coupons for a free meal-as if we could go back. I politely declined.

The last and final one is probably the easiest to recount. While rude, I couldn't really complain considering I wanted to say something. Martin while walking through Wal-Mart (they pay Honeybear, we then return the favor and pay them)was shocked by a teenager acting like an infant. This girl was walking back and forth screaming for an employee to come help. I mean literally screaming, and several of us were looking at her and shaking our heads. Martin looked her straight in the eyes and said "I'll help if you'll be quiet." She looked offended and he seemed to not be satisfied "Does your mom know your here?"

The look on her face-oh it was satisfying. I looked at him and said "Martin, you don't talk to adults like that." (She was probably 19-20)"Even if they are acting like brats." And turned and walked away. She called me a few choice words, but it's alright. By that time the managers had appeared and escorted her off the premises shortly thereafter.

All these moments are ones I look back on and think "Gee, I should have stopped them or listened to them." But then I look back a little longer and think "I must be doing something right."

Sunday, August 29, 2010

attack of the boy eater

For the last couple of days our hatchlings have disappeared slowly. We have looked for signs of the culprit(all predators leave signs)to no avail sadly. We went from ten to four in the last week. After all the work to hatch them out I was getting quite irked.

Well the culprit gave himself away-Scout. You see our chicken pen and pig pen are connected, separated by welded wire paneling. The whole thing is wrapped in chicken wire, this keeps smaller chicks in since they can slip through most paneling. However they can get into the pig pen. Do you see where I'm headed here?

This morning as we were choring and picking ripe vegetables out of the garden. I went to supervise the kids changing out water dishes with the chickens, and was watching the little chicks running back and forth. Then all of a sudden Scout started squealing like crazy, along with a small chirping. Looking over I see one of the half grown chicks trying to get back in the chicken pen. Trying but not succeeding, seeing as how its bum was in Scout's mouth.

This would be one of those light bulb moments-mine lit up like three hundred watts. I holler at Honeybear what's happening, and then since I don't have shoes on reach over and smack Scout's bum. He releases the ruffled but unharmed chick, and looks up at me. This does not deter him and he goes back after the chick-only to run snout first into the paneling.

Now that the chick is for the moment out of harms way, we plan what should happen. We decide to corral them in their small yard that kept them from the big chickens, until they were excepted. (Chickens are pack animals with pecking orders, not the nicest to babies at all.)By the time this plan is decided the silly things have wandered back into the pig pen. (Hey they're picking between four adults picking on them or a pig eating them if he catches them.)

So Martin is told to go herd them back to their own side for the rest of us to pen up. (He was picked seeing as how he was the only one who had some form of shoe on.) Everything is fine at first, he scratched Scout's snout and passes by him to wrangle the chicks. Now I don't know what set him off-the fact Martin was taking his treats, or the fact Martin didn't take in a treat-but when Martin had shooed the last chick to the chicken pen Scout squealed and it began.

As Martin went to leave, Scout decided he was still hungry. He grabbed Martin's shorts and pulled. Martin laughingly pulled himself from the pig. But Scout wasn't done, he squealed and ran after Martin. Now what do you think Martin did? No your wrong. He didn't head out the gate-he ran in circles, laughing and taunting Scout. Seven year olds! Oy vay! Well Scout was gaining on Martin at one point, do you think he ran to the gate then? Your right he didn't. He climbed onto Scout's house. Laughing he taunted Scout, then looked at me and his sisters laughing hysterically, and did a jig to make us laugh harder. Did I mention that Scout was trying his hardest to climb up on the house to Martin. Well while Martin was jigging Scout accomplished this feat, which in turn made Martin fall off when he nudged him.

Laughing so hard I could barely see through the tears, I tell him to get his hiney out of there before he actually gets hurt. As the gate closed the short sighted omninivore ran smack dab into the gate. So now I think it might be a good idea to slop Scout from the outside.

Don't worry no pigs, chicks, or kids were harmed in the making of this blog.

Friday, August 27, 2010

demolition of tradition

No soap boxes-well not much anyways. Just some interesting observation on sitcoms and their affects on family life and the way kids look at parents. Now if I pick on one of your favorites-deal with it. Just kidding, my goal is never to offend-just to amuse. So here is my take on sitcoms.

According to Jim- The man is played true to life. There is no question that every man has a little Jim in them. The die hard football fan, burping, hard working man of the house. Even the jabs at the in-laws seem true to life. But come on what woman after having five kids looks like Cherrel? If she was true to life after the twins she would have been a good 40 lbs. heavier for at least a few months. Heck no those twins popped out and she was ready for the size 0 jeans again. And what about Andy? Would a man like Jim really put up with a sissy like that? Doubtful. And do we really compete as man and wife the way Jim and Cherrel do? Okay that's real to life.

What about King of Queens? What man in their right mind thinks having either one of your parents in your home is a good idea? And why would he marry such a witch? Okay she looks good, that lasts for the first three dates tops. No man wants his faults pointed out daily. Nor will they stick around for years to take the abuse from not only you but your father. Arthur on the other hand seems like the typical crazy in-law. Gotta love a sixty year old toddler.

Then there's Two and a Half Men. Can any thirteen year old boy be that dumb? Sure he's funny, but is it really that funny if that's what that generation is really coming to. And how many Charlies are there in this world? Maybe I'm just odd, but if a man old enough to be my dad hit on me...Well I'd just have a hard time keeping a straight face. Do we really wallow in our close family members misery? Okay there again when my brother slips on a banana peel I laugh first then push him down again. (Hey he is my older brother.)

Then there's my all time favorite-Everybody Loves Raymond. This show has everything. The obnoxious in-laws, the sibling rivalry, the true to life housewife, and the oblivious husband. The husband that is still the king of the castle-when is wife lets him. Why is it that on sitcoms men are dumber than a box of rocks. And the wife never hesitates to let him know it. I doubt I would still be married if I acted in this fashion to my hubby. But they do capture the everyday situations that everyone can relate to. They are just a little to citified for me. Why isn't there just a down home blue collar sitcom?

Now by now your wondering what is the deal today? Well it started out innocent enough. We were outside in the garden. When Honeybear said something along the lines about getting a new truck. When Martin looks up and goes "You didn't ask Mom. You know she runs the house." I look at Honeybear he looks at me and we start laughing. When it all came out after we talked to him, he got the idea from According to Jim. Apparently Jim bought something stupid and Cherrel and him argued the whole episode till Jim was proven wrong. And then had to say something stupid in front of everyone. To which the woman all danced around chanting and teasing him.

Now all you men out there know whose really in charge? Right, right? King of the castle, he who wears the pants in the family, man of the house. That's what the man is. Now all you woman standing behind them smiling-don't forget to lay out the pants for them to wear.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

to the future and beyond

I suddenly feel very old. Honeybear took Martin to sign up for the Boyscouts. Which wasn't emotional. What caused me to feel old-something I try not to worry about-was my sweet child, Madison.

As we sat reading a bedtime story (Green Eggs & Ham) the remaining four of us heard a crash. As we look up Jewels, Madison's kitten, streaks across the living room like her tail is on fire. We get up and check for damage.

Madison's beta, Carly, is flipping around like grease on a griddle. I scoop him up and grab a bowl. throw some water in, and pray he swims not floats. Luckily no floaters yet. After this I turn to Madison and say, "She's a regular Garfield, huh?"

Madison squints up at me, scrunches her nose up, and goes "Who?" Apparently I have let some of the kids' education slide. When I explain it was a cartoon from when I was her age. Degan pipes up with "Oh, then it's really old, right?" Talk about ripping my carefully constructed wall of nonchalance down. Thanks son, thanks.

Now after some serious consideration of the kids' objectives for the school months ahead I decided that cartoons can't be fit into any category. Oh well, guess I'll just have to face facts, it has officially begun-my kids consider me old. You know this doesn't bother me as long as I can keep them still thinking I know something.

When they figure out Honeybear and I don't know everything we're in serious trouble. They do outnumber us, a coup could easily happen. Hopefully I can blind them with my awesomeness till they're all out of the house. (It's my blog I can use ridiculous words like that if I want.)

I fear this isn't possible, whenever Honeybear or I don't know the answer we deflect to the other. I've noticed this is happening more often-one of them is bound to notice soon. Well Mama you know if you don't hear from me for three days- come looking for the duct taped parents hidden in the closet. But use caution they can bite, and one does have a BB gun and the other an archery set.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

busy time of the year

I apologize for my lax blogging once again. With internet that works, I am still posting sporadically. (Ha bet you didn't think a hillbilly knew a big word like that.)But as with everyone who has childern this is a very busy time of year. Not that they are getting ready for school (that would be my job.) But bear with my ramblings, I have so many irons in the fire so my mind wanders.

I have already told you the last time all the things we're preparing outside-but life in general has been busy around here. For one Madison has been very trying. Her beloved boxer,Princess passed from old age. We however chose not to tell our delicate child the truth and told her she ran away. She has been insistent that we stay outside and walk the property to make sure she can find her way home. (Yes Madison knows the facts of life, she is just way to sensitive to deal with this at a tender age.)

The other issue around here is Scout, the pig. He is now about 60 lbs give or take and has started pulling an escape act on a daily basis. So we have been trying to fix his pen so he can't escape-without success. Did I mention he lost his doggy devotion. Apparently his desire to be a free range ham trumps us giving him food and treats.

This of course is also reeking havoc on the garden-which is becoming quite the mess. There are so many tasty treats for a pig-which is why we humans like them too.
I don't mind sharing but if your going to eat a tomato don't take a bite and move to the next. Or wallow in the middle of the pumpkin patch. *rolls eyes*

Now the outside is in havoc-what about the inside you ask. *sigh* Just as bad I'm afraid. The kids are back in the full swing of school. We are studying the body systems, the wars (revolutionary, and civil), and the history around them, along with the basics. We spend hours everyday reading interesting facts, watching a pbs show on something, and visiting other homeschooling families to plan feild trips. This is the best time of the year for homeschoolers to take feild trips. There are all kinds of discounts at very interesting places, and even special homeschooling days.

None of this is the cause of the havoc inside exactly. Indirectly at best. The boys do play war often, while the girls pretend to be the people having a picnic and watching the battles. (To proper to actually join in the blood shed-most the time.)But the real havoc is from the body systems, we are building a human. Bwh haha! And the glue and paint and paper is constantly strung about. Trying to control a two year old in the middle of this is...interesting.

Some people think teaching the kids the digestive system was inappropriate at their ages. Because were do the funniest involuntary body functions come from? I say why not take the funny away from burping, farting, and vomiting. Teach them that everyone does it and no one can stop it and its no longer funny or embarrassing. Um...I was a tad bit wrong. Now they explain to everyone why they just did whatever they did. Which is more embarrassing to me then if they were uncouth heathens.

I know I have wandered from subject to subject today. But that seems to be the way things are working around here. I will try to keep you updated, just as soon as my mind wanders back to me. If you find it could you email it back please.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

new fuzzies

We have more fuzzies. These are not homegrown -at least by us. We bought them from a woman Honeybear works with. They're suppose to be Rhode Island Reds (known to chicken fanatics as RIR). Ha I've yet to see yellow RIRs but still wont complain. They were much cheaper than feed store chicks.

We're trying like crazy to expand our homestead. But its so much stinking work! Not that I'm whining-much. Right now we're planning our fall garden, building another chicken pen (for meat chickens), and trying to find a goat that's bred and a sow in the family way.

Now most people look at this list and think- no prob go to craigslist. It's so much more complicated than that. I'll explain one at a time. And if you don't understand read the paragraph again slower, seeing as how I'm not there to talk slower.

Fall gardens are more complicated than you think. They require more planning, because they have more finicky plants or hardier plants-depending on what you're going for. You can't just throw them together or else the hardier plants choke out the finicky plants. Lots of the plants require hills, which means lots of raking and such to make them. Some one remind me why we're doing all this?

Then there's the new chicken pen. Your probably thinking a chicken is a chicken, why do you need another pen? Well meat chickens are bred to grow at excellerated rates. All they do is eat, drink, and POOP! I don't mean like oh they just poop more often. Heck no, their piles could cover an egg chicken the same age at six weeks. And since that's all they do they make the pen nasty in a hurry. Its also unsanitary for the egg chickens since all excrement has acid. So my meat chicken venture is taking more out of us then expected at first. Hopefully we can sell a couple of them at enough of a profit not to lose money. Honeybear is extremely worried we quoted to low a price. (On a side note: If you ever come to visit the Outhouse Animal Sanctuary watch were you step!)

The goat and pig is always a problem. For one you have to wonder if the animal is actually bred (usually a vet report is requested for a one animal sale) then what reason are they selling a sucessful breeder? Knowing the attitude issues that these two animal breeds tend to have makes me very wary. Both have a Houdini streak-they have more jail breaks then Mayberry with Otis. Pigs root right under fences, and goats just slip through like there's nothing but air there.

Then there's the attitude issues. Anyone ever worked on a pig farm? No one? Okay well lets just say they're not the nicest creatures and God saw fit to give them two razors apiece. Which is why most farms cut their tusks at an early age. This however does not prevent them from being cannibalistic. Which makes you very nervous when buying a bred sow. Once a cannibal almost always a cannibal.

Goats don't eat their own kind or anything. But God did invent the head butt just for them. And their favorite targets tend to be bottoms. Which gives a whole new meaning to bottoms up when they get you. They also tend to eat the laundry and be awful mothers. (I have several friends whom refuse to call their childern "kids" because of how awful at mothering goats are.)

With all this going on I barely have time to think. Which makes me wonder if they shouldn't do a study on being a mother killing brain cells instead of just becoming a mother. If they ever prove my theory years from now it'll will explain how so many of us end up forgetting our own names.

Till next time this is Have a good day.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

welcome to the computer age

I have internet on a computer! This is the most exciting thing to happen around here since we brought home the bluray dvd player. Sad right? The worst part being we have a total of three blurays, nevermind the hundred normal dvds.

I know this is probably odd to all you tech savy people out there-but I have no idea what to do with it. Maybe I'll finally figure out how to make my pictures come out the right size. Right now I can barely play a facebook game. I was so born in the wrong century.

I still have only figured out how to play dvds on the bluray player. No clue as to why there's like three different menu screens. Nor do I know how to set the time or make the internet work on it. I know some how some way with the dsl I can get internet on the wii and bluray player. But knowing it and knowing how to do it is two totally different things.

Once again there is something worse than the last revelations. Here's the worse part yet- I'm the most tech savy one in the family. Honeybear's colorblind so it is always left to me to connect the wires to their color cordinated spots when new equipment arrives. Give the man a motor and he'll tear it apart in his sleep and put it back together, give him a bunch of wires and he hands them to me.

Well its time for me to feed the mob. So if you see this post let me know, and if you don't-send me a message too. ;)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

a week of vacation

Earlier this week I dropped the kids of for their summer week with their grandparents. A whole week of peace right? Ha! I haven't been this busy since we brought home Bella. The entire week was spent running everywhere-kind of like chopping Ozzie's head off. Blindly running and hitting walls then turning a different direction.

The first day was spent helping my girlfriend ,who is for the first time a SAH mom, bake a pie. Much of the conversation consisted of "Hey Ro, check the pie." Her reply was always "What am I checking for?" To which I would then get up and check the pie. Guess what it was always on the middle shelf-cooking. Imagine that!

The next day was grocery shopping day. All I got to say is my family loves food-all six of them. A normal trip takes at least three hours and that many stores. I am fanatical about getting the best deal. My mothers say, "In other words your cheap cheap cheap." Wonder where I learned that? But that wasn't the end of my day.

I then loaded up all my homeschooling planners and materials. Kim offered to help me with my lesson planning and objectives. (Remember I am still new at this.) Two moms who swear they only have an hour-which then turns into about two. And we still had more conversations the next two days to tweek.

After that I still wasn't done. Oh no. I got the bright idea to spend the night in the employee's lounge at Honeybear's work. That way I could sleep next to him once as long as we wanted without the kids home. (He works nights, and his days off weren't while the kids were home.) So I packed him and my mother-in-law lunch and took it to them. What an adventure that turned out to be! Apparently to make it through the night all of the night shift act like big kids. Add to this I'm hand doing the kids' worksheets on the digestive system. Lets just say that poop was brought up more than once. Adults my foot!

Now I sit here at Mama and Daddy's after a wonderful day of church and food. We're leaving in the morning. I can't wait for my relaxing life to start back up. Maybe I can get the laundry done!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

technical difficulties

Hey everyone. I've tried what seems a million times to publish this week. Please stay with me. I have new company installing on the 18th. Till then go back and reread some of my older posts and enjoy them all over again.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

to eat or not to eat

This is the story of one of my girlfriend's reaction to pics of Ozzie. Now before I go further cause I'm going to be picking on her I have to say: Britty Bacon I love you. You see Britty has been my friend since the sixth grade. We practically lived with each other until senior year (enter Honeybear-followed quickly by Martin.)

Britty watched me show both lamb and steer in 4H and FFA. She came over and fed and petted these animals. She would then come over the next week for dinner (if I need to spell it out dinner was the previous recipients of petting.) I give you this background to say Britty is now a "vegetarian".

I put that in quotes because I'm still not entirely convinced of her dedication to the cause. You see when I put pics of Ozzie on facebook she sent this reaction: ewwwwwwwww! And then continued on about how I should remember that I have vegetarian friends and shouldn't post things like that. Now I happened to see this before looking at my wall. So my reply was "Hey you've known me since high school. I haven't changed-you have." This was good natured ribbing between two friends so don't read any hostility in this. The banter continued a few more posts.

That's when I looked at my wall. Britty had posted her usual commentary about gym workouts and such. The end being "and I just finished some great general tso's shrimp". Does anyone else see the problem in these conflicting statements? Last time I checked shrimp was still meat, right?

So I text Britty (cause for this conversation you need faster response time). And I ask since when do vegetarians eat shrimp? To which she gives me some fancy shmancy name for her type. Umm..I'm puzzled. (Now don't get me wrong I love vegetables. They make great side dishes to meat.) See my definition for vegetarians comes from a bass pro tshirt of Honeybears. It reads vegetarian- old Indian word for bad hunter. The very word says it all: VEG-a-tar-ian.

So now my interest is peaked. I say okay what about eggs? Her reply-only vegetarian eggs. Okay I'm sitting here thinking-I've yet to see a staulk of celery nesting. This is were Honeybear buts in and says "come on. Even "organic" eggs squeeze out a chicken butt." (My hubby the poet.)

Now I'm not trying to anger anyone-I swear. Like I said I love veggies. I just like meat, preferably fresh. I just don't understand what defines meat. I mean don't shrimp deserve vegetarian love too? Think of all those baby shrimp missing their eight armed hugs goodnight. Poor little shrimp babies. And she said a picture of a dead chicken that didn't have a chance to reproduce teared her up. She just ate how many shrimp mommies and daddies?

Now I have only picked on Britty because one-I love her. And two how in the world can some one so close to me be so citified? Where did I go wrong? And does anyone else see the irony in someone with the nick name Britty Bacon to be vegetarian?

a country lesson learned

As I stood in my kitchen making my family's breakfast, I learned why my mother-in-law tells me to crack eggs in a bowl first. You see all our eggs come from their chickens till ours are mature enough to lay. Which I thought was so nice of them, until today.

I stood there cracking eggs into my hot cast iron skillet. Stopping to stir the fried potatos and then turning back to crack the last egg. (It takes a dozen every morning. See why we need chickens?) And my hubby asks a question so I turn my head as I crack it to answer him. About five seconds later the SMELL hits.

Giving myself whiplash- I see the black mess floating in my sunny side up eggs. I start squealing (hey even country people freak out) and Honeybear comes to save the day. Unfortanetly he grabbed the skillet handle without thinking (cast iron handles are metal as well) thankfully he didn't burn himself. He grabs a dish towel and takes it out to dump in the field.

I ,mean while, get out two different febreezes and start spraying. My house now smells like an overwhelmed florist but at least that odor is gone.

Needless to say we didn't have eggs this morning-just pancakes and fried potatos.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

a winner for july

I'm sorry everyone, I have been extremely busy. (I know your thinking isn't everyone, and I took the time to come see your blog.) But I do have the raffle winner to announce. Congrats sunny bunny april! Your the raffle winner this month. If it wasn't you this month maybe you'll be the winner in the next month. The prize will be a signed copy of Kathie Truitt's new book "False Victim".

This book is her first release, and is absolutely a page turner. I am very proud to say she is a close friend of Mama and Daddy's. And a true inspiration to me. Anyone who can't wait for the raffle to buy this book will not be disappointed. Even more enthralling is that the story is all TRUE!

It is the story of a woman who thinks that the move to their dream house is perfect. Until the woman that lives behind her becomes obsessed with first becoming her, then trying to destroy her. I suggest having nothing planned if you pick up this book. It is absolutely impossible to put down!

Congrats Ms. Kathie on today's release! May God bless you and your family.