Friday, January 17, 2014

trapping the children

    So not only is Honeybear the principal he sometimes takes on the role of student too. No, I don't make him sit in class or write sentences for misbehavior... but now that you mention it. No. No. It wouldn't work his handwriting will always look like a chicken was scratching at the paper.

    Okay back on point forget my shiny moment. As I was saying sometimes he becomes his children's student. This gives them a great way to really learn and comprehend what I've been teaching them. It also serves me with a purpose...revenge. Look at today's lesson with their daddy and you will understand why.

Madison: Okay today we are goin' to talk about crust and core.

Honeybear: I don't mind the crust on my sandwiches.

Martin: No dad. Like Earth.

Honeybear: Of course I like Earth I'm a human.

Degan: NO! Layers of Earth.

Honeybear: You found Batman's lair?! Awesome.

Martin: (hand to his forehead) No. We mean like the mantle that moves-

Honeybear: Pappaw has two mantles and they don't move.

Madison: Daddy! Pay attention.

Honeybear: Why?

Madison: You won't learn if you don't.

(CRASH! That's the sound of the trap closing that Honeybear just set.)

Honeybear: Really? But I watched you yesterday and it didn't seem like you were.

(Dead silence as they realized they have just been caught in the principal's snare. Mwhahahahahaha.)

     At this point they all look wide eyed and stumped. Honeybear gives them their warning and the lesson continues. Martin and Madison grab their white boards and draw a diagram. As they hold it up and start talking Honeybear interrupts with "What's an egg frying got to do with Earth?" Okay so their diagrams did kinda look like eggs but they completely disagreed.

    Degan saved the day his explanation was great. "Dad, you're absolutely right. It does look like an egg and it's kinda like a fried egg. The yolk is liquid and hot like the core. The white is like the mantle semi solid but still sloshy. And the pan holding it in is the crust."

    The lesson went on as they tend to. But I was proud my youngest had such a grasp of the material and saw such an astute connection to explain to his dad.
Tomorrow should be interesting they're suppose to teach him about forces that refigure the Earth. Hmmmm if Honeybear was teaching I might worry he'd go all Animal House on them and show them a volcano with whip cream or something in his mouth and show them what happens when forces is exerted to it.

Why me?

    Seems Honeybear has taken a game the kids started years ago and become a supreme master. Let's just say as the years have gone on Gypsy Rose no longer sees any point in protecting me from "assilenation" attempts.  In fact at times she is solely responsible for these attacks.

     This all started with a simple request at Honeybear's break time. (He calls at 8:30 on break to say goodnight.) After saying night to the kids, we get a few minutes of idle chatter, tonight it went something like this...

Honeybear: Might be home early.

Me: So what does that mean tonight?

Honeybear: (playfully) I expect you to be up with a snack and drink. Ready to take off my boots and give me a foot massage. Like every good wife should when their husband gets home from work.

Me: (laughing) Well aren't you glad I don't hold myself to the standards of others.

Honeybear: You're slacking woman! Where's my pie?

Me: Now Honeybear what kind of wife would I be if I disregarded your whining about gaining weight? No pie till you lose...twenty pounds. Trim your beard up and you might hit your goal quicker and get pie...tomorrow.

Honeybear: (mockingly growls) Woman what'd I say!

Me: Bring me a coke.

Honeybear: No!

Me: (nonchalantly) M'kay no foot rub.

(By now we're both laughing. I mean if you can't give your spouse a hard time what's going to break up the day to day, right? At this point it's also time for him to go back to work so we say good night, he goes back I go tuck in.)

     After prayers and tuck in I get the holy hour otherwise known as MOM TIME!
This is where I actually do my own thing. No schoolwork, housework, or anything other than purely selfish pampering. I watch a mindless uneducational show and paint my toes or something for a few before finishing up the days tasks. (Why not do that after the day's work is done? Did you not read my schedule last week? There is never an end! I must divide and conquer!)

    Anyways after Mom time and more work I sat down to look through our texts book and devise a science project for this week and...fell asleep.

    Sometime later I come to complete alertness to a deep growl and a dark figure reaching for me. I scream bloody murder as I see the inhuman girth of this creature with horns reaching for me and strike out at its nose. It jumps back laughing and the light is no longer at its back.

     Yeah you guessed it...Honeybear. One of these the moon Alice!

Ps. The inhuman girth was Honeybear still wearing his coveralls. His horns? He really needs a trim to his curls.

Friday, January 10, 2014

i miss sesame street

     Yeah, yeah I have been quiet again. You try homeschooling four different grades with the holidays and everything going on and see if you have sanity left to string words together. As we get deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of homeschooling it takes more and more hours of prep and schooling.

     When they were little we finger painted, watched sesame street, counted animal crackers, and practiced the alphabet and felt accomplished. Now I have to stair step through math, science, geography, social studies, language arts, history, art, asl, and reading. All while planning around my husband and other needs. (Although I'd be lying if I said the break from scouts, sports, and farming/gardening this last nine months hasn't been awesome.)

My routine looks something like this:
730 wake up, let dogs out, cook
8  feed kids, dogs, cats, and other assorted animals
845 clean up from the above step
9  shoo the kids away to do assigned reading
905 to 935 look for said assigned reading books that magically moved since          yesterday
935 go back to cleaning only to find the mess has taken my absence to get
        amorous and multiply
1030 start Honeybear's breakfast
11  clean up from second breakfast making, tell kids to start writing
1115 pausing to break up the fight over pencils for writing
12  start lunch, threaten kids with principal if they don't finish chores and
1210 let dogs out and back in three times in a row cause they really need to
         go but it's too cold for them
1  serve lunch
130 pack Honeybear's lunch box, locate specific hoody that has made a break
         for it since he set it down
2   tell kids to get ready for school core (bathroom, hair combed, homework
         ready to turn in etc.)
230 Honeybear leaves, school core starts along with dishwasher
645-8 school hours are over, dinner is started, kids tv time 
830  Honeybear calls on break
9 to 915 bedtime routine
915 to ? repeatedly tell kids to go to sleep, turn tv on to a mom show and check
       over school work and plan or alter school projects and objectives while
       letting dogs in and out for final time of the night and the cat meows

But the bonus of all this extra school and kids getting older? They help out more with keeping the house up. So heh who cares I'd rather plan how to build bones than do dishes any day.