I have come to the conclusion that the only way to stop the embarrassing updates given by our children in public is duct tape. I thought about just tying them to the bed-but that's just cruel. Don't judge me you know you've considered it. For all you out there who think a hillbilly would actually do this-QUIT STEREOTYPING.
For all us with children you have experienced this at one time or another. Try having that times four-five if you count Honeybear. We all know our men do it we just try not to think about it. (As he reads this over my shoulder going "Name one time!" Then as I list the top five, he goes "Don't print that.") And we wonder where the kids get it from?
But as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, these outbursts are frequently seen coming moments beforehand. Unfortunately, a child's mouth is quicker than a mother's hand clamping over it. And we are left red faced, and stuttering an apology of "I don't know where they got that." Of course we do-T.V.!
But looking at the situation in privacy how often is an innocent child's question or observation wrong?
I'm sure you remember the tale of Martin asking the larger woman when her baby was due. If not-your better off. But what about the ones made about people we want to say something to. Case in point: Degan, roughly a week ago, standing at Wal-Mart in the check out line behind a couple of college guys. I should have seen him staring but I was wrangling Bella. He looks up meets the guys eyes and-"You need a better belt, your underroos are showing." Somehow this got even Bella's attention cause she stopped squirming- maybe it was just me stopping breathing who knows. I look at Degan then back to the guy then back to Degan. There is nothing to be said for this except "Degan come over here and quit bothering them." Like a deer in the headlights, I wonder if it was as obvious to them as to the lady behind me that I was just acting like I heard nothing. (Channeling my inner Hogan's Hero. "I KNOW NOTHING!")
Now here's the problem-can I really fault my son for stating a fact? Considering how often I have said the exact same thing to him before leaving the house, he thought he was being helpful. As he said to me when I proached the subject in the car "Mom if I was hanging out I would want someone to tell me that must be embarrassing." If only all teenagers and gangsta wannabes thought the same thing.
Another point in fact: Madison, not to long ago (at least not long ago enough not to make me cringe) while eating at a restraunt. (One we will not be going back to anytime soon) "Her hands are dirty, I can't eat that." I looked at the server, apologized profusely (while stealthly inspecting her hands) and accepted the food. Madison persisted and we told her to hush. She refused to eat, while the rest of us dug in. When we returned to the car I asked Madison why she was so rude. (Thinking it had something to do with the recent health classes about germs-if only.) She then proceeded to tell us-sorry cringing again."I just didn't want any of her boogers." Apparently right before she brought our pizza, she had been...well there's only one way to say this-she picked her nose. And then proceeded to wipe it on her pant leg, to which Madison witnessed.
If I had just listened to my daughter that day I wouldn't cringe every time I smell tomatoes simmering. (Which with the garden in full swing is quite often right now.) Me, being horrified but wanting to get home and boil my tongue, called the restraunt when we got home. They apologized that time, and offered us coupons for a free meal-as if we could go back. I politely declined.
The last and final one is probably the easiest to recount. While rude, I couldn't really complain considering I wanted to say something. Martin while walking through Wal-Mart (they pay Honeybear, we then return the favor and pay them)was shocked by a teenager acting like an infant. This girl was walking back and forth screaming for an employee to come help. I mean literally screaming, and several of us were looking at her and shaking our heads. Martin looked her straight in the eyes and said "I'll help if you'll be quiet." She looked offended and he seemed to not be satisfied "Does your mom know your here?"
The look on her face-oh it was satisfying. I looked at him and said "Martin, you don't talk to adults like that." (She was probably 19-20)"Even if they are acting like brats." And turned and walked away. She called me a few choice words, but it's alright. By that time the managers had appeared and escorted her off the premises shortly thereafter.
All these moments are ones I look back on and think "Gee, I should have stopped them or listened to them." But then I look back a little longer and think "I must be doing something right."