Monday, September 9, 2013

Ha I Say

        My girlfriend at A Belle, A Beane, and A Chicago Dog wrote a post earlier that reminded me of a few of my earlier posts about Motherhood (shouldn't that always be capitalized to show its importance?) Her youngest started school and she was talking about the next step of motherhood.She put it so well, better than I had defined it ever.  Actually Cameron Garriepy was talking about sending her baby off to school too. But it got me to thinking about the step I am on....early puberty.

         We are a family of genetically mutated early bloomers. Honeybear had a full beard in ninth grade. I, er, blossomed by fifth grade and apparently our offspring is following suit. So what do I get. Proven a liar. I said puppy pms was training me for this. HA! I can't imagine the giggles mothers of teenagers got reading that. I had no idea what I was in for.

         Case in point. I thought Madison would be sweet and quiet when hormones started surging. Once again I say HA! My daughter who wouldn't say boo to a ghost, is a raging sassy britches. Quick to correct and throw sarcasm at anyone in her path. Where she got that I'll never know. Example: Her friends said Madison I think your getting bigger your pants aren't falling down. (Okay that sounds bad from her friend but Madison is notorious for having problems with being so skinny that leggings start to sag on the girl.) Her reply: Hmmm I hadn't noticed maybe they'll get so tight I can't walk like yours. Yeah my jaw dropped too. Her little foursome of best friends had been picking on her skinniness for a week straight and she never said a word. I couldn't believe my ears.

       Martin isn't much better. His buddy Ty is 13 (Lord help us) and about as all American and adorable as Devon Sawa was in my day. Unfortunately he is a boy left to his own devices a lot. And his girlfriend lives up the road, at 14 she is no angel.    They tend to stand across from our yard making out for all the world to see. Actually the 10-14 age group kids around here are all nuts switching "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" every couple of days or weeks. My kids so far being the exception, but we have told them and their little friends you're too young and you never date a friends sibling. (Smart move for us, they're friends with everyone so they'll never date. Here I will say HA! in a different tone.) But Martin taking exception to walking out our door to the sight of them again hollered, "What are you cannibals?! Go eat each other somewhere else." To which the girl then thoroughly cursed him up one side and down the other. (As I said no angel.)

       I at least have been spared verbal assault. But their sneakiness and temper tantrums with each other I have to intercede quite a bit. I wonder daily where those sweet little children who taught their brother and sister to tie their shoes, ride bikes, and write their names went...along with my groceries. They're all bottomless pits it seems. I wrote a new ad (if you remember I wrote out help wanted ads for motherhood in my post Wanted)

       Wanted: Someone who is deaf to slamming doors, insults, and meltdowns. Must feed an army on scraps, cause one soldier ate a weeks groceries at one sitting. Be able to soothe hurt feelings, and take no sides while strategically teaching life lessons. Quick on your feet a must. Tolerance of dirty looks not necessary. Rocket scientist with minor in philosophy would be helpful but not absolutely necessary. Nerves of steel helpful.  Basically a war hardened general that is a genius please only apply.

HA! Good luck finding that.

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