Saturday, July 24, 2010

mysteries of motherhood

A few moments ago ,as I cleaned up from supper, I saw the back burners in my stove were as dirty as the front. No biggie right? I haven't used but one front burner, so how did this happen. No its not that I haven't wiped the stove down in a while. That happens after every meal after the dishes. Is there some cooking I'm doing I'm not aware of? Doubtful. So just another mystery of motherhood in my short experience I have accumilated. A list of the last eight years and I thought i'd share them.

The first mystery of motherhood is one that has to do with becoming a mother itself. How does having an eight pound baby (oh yeah all but one of the four were over eight pounds) make you gain forty pounds? I mean seriously. And then you deliver a gorgeous eight pound baby plus all the extras (you know what I mean mommies out there) and you lose-five pounds tops. Can anyone else explain why the math we learned in first grade argues this isn't possible?!

Then of course the classic: what is spit up made of that it eats away clothing? Or how does a baby manage to stain anything you put them in for the first couple of months? (Aren't we glad when the diapers quit exploding!) Now look-we have all these mysteries and we aren't even experienced at the motherhood game.

As the years progress new mysteries come to light. Where does the sock's mate go? Do they run away from their stuffy relationship with a fabric softner sheet? Does the washer have a stomache hidden in its mechanical workings? Or is the dryer trying to tell you they're over worked and under appreciated? Do we need to just throw in a shirt we were about to donate and turn our backs? Maybe not this could be consider a sacrfice. If it thinks we're trying to communicate it could get more demanding.

Here's a mystery that boggles me. Why is that complete strangers want to come up and touch your childern? Babies, toddlers, childern if they think your childs cute they want to touch. Why?! Yes my child is adorable the next huggies baby. DON'T TOUCH. They're not a scratch and sniff. I don't know where you've been. Or what or who you've been in contact with. (No I'm not up tight I have a preemie and a child with weak immune system) I have people get rude over a sign on my daughters carrier that said don't touch. (Her picu unit gave it to us when she was released after an rsv infection) Point being hands off someone else baby. (This includes pregnant bellies too)

How about the mystery of the truth in childern. How is it the baby of the family is always responsible for rascally behavior. It could be the potato chips on the top shelf-Bella did it. I don't know what they're seeing I'm seeing a six foot shelf and a two foot toddler. Once again my first grade math lessons disproven. Who ate all the pudding? Bella did! (Granted she has a chocolate ring around her mouth-but so do the other three)

These are just a few of my mysteries. I'm sure in the next eightteen years I'll accumilate more. So what are some of yours?


  1. I'm not great at math but this math doesn't even add up for me.

  2. Life dose not always add up...And when there are childred, it almost never dose..But it's ok!!!

  3. Once again - too hilarious! I'm going to 'talk' about you on my blog today!!

  4. What you say is very true Malinda. Is it any wonder we struggle in math so often. And Martin you should know better than most Honeybear.

    Thank you Ms. Kathie. I would appreciate it greatly! I am enjoying these moments of writing. I would love to share them with more people.

  5. Now I can answer the question about truth in children. I can, I can.
    See when the second child comes home from the hospital, they sneak in a foster child. That child can take care of itself - very well. Then when #3 comes along, you get a couple more of these invisible foster kids.

    You them, yes you do. Their names are "Not Me", "I don't Know" and "I Didn't Do It." And their mother is that wonderful woman who makes all the rest of our lives miserable: "Everybody Else's Mom". That's why those miserable kids are in foster care, I mean, look at what SHE allows them to do - tatoos, piercings, stayin' out late. Yeah, she's a rotter.

    Her kids you will NEVER see. Their prime mission in life is to get YOUR adorable, sweet, obedient kids in trouble. They're quiet adept at it too. I mean, your kids TRY to tell you about them, but do you believe them? NO!

    "Who left the fridge door OPEN???"
    "Not Me!"

    "Who spilled the milk all over the floor?"
    "I Don't Know!"

    "Who drew on the wall with marker?"
    "I Didn't Do It!"

    Do we believe them? No! We don't. So those dear, sweet kids get the lecture while the rotten kids snicker.

    And that's the truth!


All my city slickers tell me what ya think.