Tuesday, October 5, 2010

the care and feeding of husbands

Most of us have a hubby. Most of us love and adore said hubby. And most of us at one time or another want to hide the body after a temporary moment of insanity and violence. These moments can be kept to a minimum if you follow a few simple rules.

Never ask a hubby to ask for directions. It doesn't matter if the last hour has been spent on another of his classic shortcuts. It doesn't matter if the country side is starting to look like something out of Deliverance. The moment you question his manly power of direction, you are automatically the one in the wrong. You distracted him, and he now has missed his turn. Even if you haven't once said a word since he turned down this side highway that's going to cut the trip in half, some how some way you messed up his navigation.

Always agree after the first two times of denial. Supposedly he told you he needed something today. (Whether it's a certain shirt, or a belonging he has misplaced.) Try and tell him nicely a time or two that you have no clue what he is talking about. After that just nod your head and say "Yes, dear." No matter what he throws out there just repeat after me, "Yes, dear." Whether it's the "you moved it, didn't you?" or the "I told you last night." comments. Just stand up shuffle things around and repeat the key phrase over and over. Quick movements and loud noises just draw their attention further. As soon as they leave the room, resume your casual perusal of the newest Cosmo. Casually throwing out a "nope not there, darn" and a "hmmm, I think I already looked there". Just don't forget to ruffle your page as you turn them to mimic actual searching.

When they ask what you are making for dinner before you make dinner or have something dethawing, always answer with "What do you want?" Now, if they ask for something that sounds really unappetizing just tell them you don't have the ingredients for that. Then suggest two dishes you want to make or sound appetizing. This is a great trick to still let them have their manly power, and not eating something that just sounds like way to much work.

When they wander into the kitchen, and start rattling around looking for something to eat-get out of their way! You're either about to get roped into cooking something or you can turn the tables. Sit down casually and just as they are about to come out of the kitchen, ask him for a glass of water or snack. This is a great way to repay all those times you have sat down only to have to get back up to get him what he wanted. It's kind of hard to deny some one something when they are sitting and you're right there right?

If you follow these few steps, the need to run away screaming to live with the purple penguins will be kept to a minimum.

1 comment:

  1. whenever craig uses the dinner choice in his sentence, i know that means he doesn't want it (so you're cooking pasta for dinner?!?!?!)


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